My mother

Admittedly, I am not a great blogger.  This past week was a life changer though.  Thanksgiving morning, around 1:30 AM, my mother passed away.  Talk about your life spinning.  It's now almost a full week later and it still doesn't feel real.  We had the wake.  We had the funeral.  There were tears .... lots of tears.  There were laughs at memories we had of her.  When does it seem real?

Wow

Ok. Life has been a roller coaster. God has made me really keep in check and I felt my blog suffered when I really should have been sharing. My mom's been in and out of the hospital as doctors try to find out if she has Parkinson's (looks like not), finishing grad school, and a charter renewal at work. I have really felt that I was letting my faith slide and every time it did, I got another wallop. I am happy to come back!

God's genuine love

The last 3 - 4 months have been a little rough.  There has been a lot going on spiritually, with my family, with my job, with grad school.  I hit a real low point about two months ago - it was a real tough time for me.  I felt a complete sense of depression and anger about many things.  But like usual, when I think all has gone to nothing, He reminded me that I am not in charge, and He knew exactly what was happening at all times.  I fully believe it was a test but I don't know how I did.  I know that it was a good learning experience and I have grown so much in the love that He has for us all.

Back to life

So, I've made it through the last few months. I don't know if my ideas have been missed, but I have missed writing. I found that when I was doing this, it helped me to think and get new ideas going. There's been a lot going on and now I am feeling ready to write again. The ideas are coming out. :)

Wanting to be his children

I was on the subway earlier today (I live in NYC) and heard a really unfortunate conversation. A mother was talking to a boy of about 4 or 5, yelling at him actually, telling him that she wished he was never born and that he was a horrible child. I don't know what set it off, but it was a horrible experience to have to listen to. How another person raises their child is something I typically stay out of, especially since I am not a parent so I don't have the first hand experience to maybe be as comfortable judging a moment, but this was too much. I was on the verge of stepping in and tactfully asking her to please quiet down (putting it on me having a headache or something) so that this child could get a reprieve, even if it meant deflecting some of her anger at me, when she got off. I felt so bad for this child that I couldn't' give him at least a few minutes of quiet. Some people may disagree and say that I shouldn't have contemplated stepping in, but there is nothing that I could possible think of that a child this small, or any child at all, deserved this kind of barrage.

This incident made me think of how wonderful it is to be the child of God. He doesn't anger, doesn't try to throw us out, tell us we're bad. He loves us for all that we are and all that we are not. When we make a mistake, he loves us, knowing that we are trying to live a good, Christian life. There is no way that he would lead us in to a situation like this, but would love us and guide us when we make a mistake so that we can learn the proper way and then share it with the world. I so wish that I could have shared this message with this women earlier today - that God does truly love us all and that he will see us through it all. Who knows what caused her to react to her this way, but I have been praying constantly for her today, and ask that you think of her today, so that she may come to God's love and be able to raise her son in that way.

How do other people do it?

So, I am still fairly new at, and still getting steady in, my walk with God. I grew up in a Catholic home, but never felt really connected with the church. I went through the motions and it never meant anything to me. I can't explain why that was the case with me because religion was important to my parents, but it just never meant much (sad, isn't it?).

How do other people go day to day? I have read so much about modesty, Christian living,.... you name it, I read it. There are so many wonderful people out there who lead such great lives. How are people so sure of themselves and their faith? Big topic, I know..... :) Help!

Did I say this before?

Ok, I had been so good. There's not a good reason for leaving the blog.... at least for no other reason than it's good mental health for me. :) Now that grad school is in swing and I've settled back in for a new year with a new batch of 4th graders, things should be better for me. I'm back. God's been good - and very patient.